A glimpse at what we're studying this week:
English IV
- The Venerable Bede and The Ecclesiastical History of the English People which includes the stories of Caedmon and the conversion of King Edwin.
- Beginning a new unit on medieval literature (Chaucer and all that)
English III
- Making our paragraphs unified and coherent
- Beginning a new unit on American wit and humor (Twain, etc.)
English I
- Focus on spelling and vocabulary
- Composing short poems on space/stars (ranged from lullabies to contemplative lyrics to haikus to haunting love ballads)
English II
- Literary terms and the short story.
- Beginning a new unit on narrative poetry (Robert Browning, Edna St. Vincent Millay and others)
Bible 10
- No classes this week due to revised Revival schedule
P.E.
- Softball!! Automatic game-over-your-team-wins if you hit a passing Metro bus.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Weekend matches
Wigan 0-5 United
Scorers: Rooney (2), Berbatov, Owen, and Nani.
Michael Owen's first Premier League goal with Manchester United...and what a finish!
Hull City 1-0 Bolton
Scorer: Ghilas
Jozy's first touch in the EPL created that goal. He had several more chances and was unlucky not to score. I think he'll get the start next time out.
Scorers: Rooney (2), Berbatov, Owen, and Nani.
Michael Owen's first Premier League goal with Manchester United...and what a finish!
Hull City 1-0 Bolton
Scorer: Ghilas
Jozy's first touch in the EPL created that goal. He had several more chances and was unlucky not to score. I think he'll get the start next time out.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
First week of school
Here's what we're studying during week one:
English IV
- "Death Be Not Proud" by John Donne
- excerpts from Beowulf
- the history of Anglo-Saxon poetry
- a little bit of the history of the Anglo-Saxons
English III
- "America for Me" by Henry van Dyke
- review of the four steps of the writing process
- focus on the 'Plan' step of the writing process (brainstorming, categorizing ideas, narrowing down topics, etc.)
English II
- "Good Morning, Miss Dove" by Francis Patton
- elements of the short story
- focus on characterization (indirect and direct) and types of characters (dynamic and static)
- composing character sketches
English I
- "God Sees the Truth, but Waits" by Leo Tolstoy
- common themes throughout literature
- focus on the themes of universal truths and wisdom
- basic manuscript form
- principal review of basic grammar
Bible 10
- story of the Fall (Adam and Eve)
- "With great privilege comes great responsibility." (Yes, I quoted Peter Parker's uncle in Bible class.)
- Genesis 3:15: And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.
P.E.
- how not to be a total spaz
English IV
- "Death Be Not Proud" by John Donne
- excerpts from Beowulf
- the history of Anglo-Saxon poetry
- a little bit of the history of the Anglo-Saxons
English III
- "America for Me" by Henry van Dyke
- review of the four steps of the writing process
- focus on the 'Plan' step of the writing process (brainstorming, categorizing ideas, narrowing down topics, etc.)
English II
- "Good Morning, Miss Dove" by Francis Patton
- elements of the short story
- focus on characterization (indirect and direct) and types of characters (dynamic and static)
- composing character sketches
English I
- "God Sees the Truth, but Waits" by Leo Tolstoy
- common themes throughout literature
- focus on the themes of universal truths and wisdom
- basic manuscript form
- principal review of basic grammar
Bible 10
- story of the Fall (Adam and Eve)
- "With great privilege comes great responsibility." (Yes, I quoted Peter Parker's uncle in Bible class.)
- Genesis 3:15: And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.
P.E.
- how not to be a total spaz
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Blog philosophy
I'm pretty sure that I need to post more frequently to warrant the amount of triviality that I post. If one posts only two or three entries in a week, and one of those entries is a YouTube video of Anderson scoring a free kick goal against Boca Juniors, then that must have been a really important goal/entry. Right? Well, it wasn't. It was just a friendly game. Thus, I must up the regularity of these posts. Because I want to keep posting unimportant things.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
More Monty Python - Silly Olympiad
Originally, the Philosophers' World Cup and this bit were together.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Best Monty Python sketch
Even though there are tons of funny parts of this sketch, my favorite moment is still when Karl Marx is on the touchline in his warm-ups.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Short story: "The PTA Surplus"
The only thing that Karen Franklin hated more than sleeping was waking up. She was aware of the obvious paradox; and only one thing helped her mind cope with that paradox: coffee. Coffee could prolong the waking hours. Coffee could ease the pain of the hour of waking. Karen drank and drank and drank coffee. She brewed a pot at home before starting the cross-town drive to Charles Ellis Junior High School each weekday morning. And she downed at least three cups of her home brew before walking out the door. Somedays, she took a to-go cup with a fourth serving. And if that cup was done before she reached the intersection of Vine and Cove (and it usually was), she would stop at Dunkin Donuts for a fifth cup.
Five cups of coffee on the average weekday before 8am.
"Mom, you drink too much coffee," her kids would remind her.
"What number is that?" her teacher co-workers would ask, referring to which cup she was on throughout the day.
"Thirteen!" was the most impressive number Karen remembered answering that question with. And she knew that wasn't her personal record though. She'd finished thirteen cups of coffee before school got out at 3:45pm, but then she'd brewed another pot at home after dinner. She'd been trying to cut back on the p.m. coffee...but she hated sleeping. And coffee battled sleep.
After dinner, she'd drink coffee and read. Or drink coffee and grade papers. Or drink coffee and chat with dinner guests. Or drink coffee and watch a movie with the family. Or drink coffee while her husband Ron told about his day.
When all coffee-related activities had wound down, it was late in the evening and Karen always had more preparations to do before English IV started the next morning. So she put off sleep with another cup of coffee way too late at night.
John Kreiss taught history at Charles Ellis Junior High School. Mr. Kreiss was voted "Teacher of the Year", narrowly edging out the Language Arts teacher Mrs. Franklin (maybe because of her pervasive coffee breath - maybe because Mr. Kreiss never assigned any projects). School was a haven for Mr. Kreiss. He loved teaching at the junior high level and he made history classes fun. He showed war movies and lectured in an animated fashion: one lesson he taught entirely from a foxhole formed from outdated geography textbooks and dot-matrix printer paper reams. He even had his own history podcast.
School was a haven because Mr. Kreiss hated being at home. Home for him was a boring, lonely apartment two blocks from school. His only companion was his bird Edsel who perched in a cage in the back of the history classroom at Charles Ellis. Edsel was a big hit with the students: he could recite the entire Gettysburg Address!
Mr. Kreiss, despite his popularity with the kids, was not the a favorite among the faculty.
Science teacher Mr. Crawford put it this way: "The man has no other obligations. All he is is a teacher - not a father, a husband, a provider. He can spend the entire morning and the entire evening perfecting his lesson plans and presentations. Where does one even get all that GI kit and gear?"
The answer to that question: Mr. Kreiss inherited most of it from his grandfather. The rest, he had made himself with his sewing machine.
Choir director Miss Witt said this: "It makes us look like bad teachers. I had kids say to me, 'Miss Witt, how come you never dress up like Beethoven or Bach for choir class?' It sets unrealistic expectations of what a lesson should be like. That man needs to get a wife or play fantasy football!"
And it didn't help that Principal Wilcox said this in faculty meeting one afternoon: "Let's keep submitting those lesson plans on time. Some of you haven't really been putting too much time into them. I want to see clear objectives and procedures. If you want a few suggestions for making those lessons come to life, Mr. Kreiss would be happy to oblige. Right, John?"
Mr. Kreiss attempted to mend fences last Christmas. He made a cookies for each of his colleagues and wrote a beautiful (and personalized) Christmas poem for each. This delightful gesture was not well-received. It made all of the other teachers feel that their store-bought Christmas cards were inadequate.
********
The fourteen teachers on faculty at Charles Ellis convened in the cramped conference room adjacent to the reception area. Principal Wilcox discussed several administrative issues and reminded everyone that their weekly lesson plans were inferior to Mr. Kreiss's plans. Then he punctuated the faculty meeting with an exciting announcement.
"The PTA has raised money for renovation of the teacher's lounge. They're moving the janitorial closets to the back of the facility, so the lounge is expanding. Work begins in two days. By next Monday, they'll have more space, a new table and chairs, a full-size refrigerator, a new counter, over-head cupboards, a new microwave, and a flat-screen television!"
Cheers for the flat-screen.
Wilcox continued. "We need a few ideas of what to do with a $400 surplus."
"Bunn coffee maker!" shouted Mrs. Franklin, not caring that both Mr. Calderon and Mr. Fritz winced at the sudden deafening outburst.
"I'm not taking suggestions now. Submit your suggestion in writing to reception by tomorrow morning. We'll take a few minutes after school tomorrow to vote. Maybe you can chat amongst yourselves and come up with the best possible use for that $400."
As Mr. Wilcox exited, the volley of ideas and arguments had already started.
Mrs. Franklin's campaign was the first heard in entirety.
"We have to have a Bunn. It makes coffee so fast! I mean, lightning fast! That coffee maker we have now - God bless it - is awful. I don't have time to make a pot of coffee during my free period. It takes the entire hour to brew! I might be exaggerating a little, but I'm sure I'm not alone when I say teachers can't afford the luxury of patience with trivial things like waiting for coffee."
"How much does a Bunn cost?" asked fellow coffee junkie Ms. Witt.
"Less than $400, I think," answered Mrs. Franklin. "I'll look it up. I think we can all agree on the Bunn, right?"
"Well, I like coffee as much as the next person," piped up Mr. Kreiss.
"Here we go," murmured someone.
"Of course," murmured someone else.
"I'm just saying...maybe we can table a few more ideas. Doesn't anyone have another suggestion?" Mr. Kreiss looked from face to face.
"A toaster?" said Tom Chung, who was only an assistant teacher. No one valued his input and no one acknowledged that he had spoken at all.
"How 'bout a popcorn machine?" said Coach Jameson.
"We're getting a new microwave, Tim. Why would we ever need a popcorn machine?" said Mrs. Franklin.
"What about a sofa?" asked Mr. Kreiss.
There was a pause. The idea seemed, at least, to stick more than Tim Jameson's popcorn machine idea.
Mr. Kreiss continued. "There are going to be more than one or two people in the lounge at a time. And we can't always sit around the table. Maybe we'd like to kick back with a magazine. Watch some TV. No matter how comfy the new chairs are, they're not going to beat a new sofa."
"Can we get a new sofa for $400?" asked Eric Chomsky, the math teacher.
Several people assured him that they could find a decent sofa for $400 if they knew where to look (and apparently they did know).
It was during this round of assurances that Mr. Kreiss and Mrs. Franklin made eye contact - Mrs. Franklin aware that her Bunn idea was failing in popularity, Mr. Kreiss drifting into full-combat mode.
His campaign was in full-swing now. "Can you even imagine a teacher's lounge without a sofa? We've gone far too long without it. I'd like to feel at home between classes."
"He's really got a good point. I think it should be a sofa," said Mr. Crawford.
A chorus seconded his motion. "Sofa." "Yeah, I like sofa." "Sofa...mmm-hmm." "I think we need a sofa more than a new coffee machine." "Coffee machine is fine. Sofa." "Sofa all the way."
"Let me make one more appeal for the Bunn." Mrs. Franklin stood up and walked around the table. She had a hand on the door knob before continuing. It was very dramatic. "I do think we could use a sofa. I commend Mr. Kreiss for coming up with such a great idea." She emphasized his name and gestured at the estranged history teacher with both hands. "Let me see a show of hands - how many of you actually make coffee with our teacher's lounge coffee maker? One...two...three of you. Ms. Witt: is it easy to make coffee using that old machine?"
"Not at all," answered Ms. Witt. "It's worn out and slow. Plus the buttons don't work all the time. One time, I pushed the brew button and went to do some copying. I came back and it hadn't started. I didn't get to drink any of the coffee I'd made. I got a really bad headache that day."
"What about you, Mr. Chomsky?" asked Mrs. Franklin.
"It's pretty tough, actually. Bunns are high quality and easy to use. We had one at my previous school in Des Moines..."
"Thank you, Mr. Chomsky," interrupted Mrs. Franklin. "My point is this: many of you enjoy the coffee but don't make it. You don't fully understand the foibles of the current coffee maker. Take my word and Ms. Witt's word and Eric's word: we need a new coffee maker. We need a Bunn. And we can get a new sofa when the PTA raises more money. This school's had a sofa-free faculty lounge for seventy-one years. The coffee crisis is a current crisis."
And she left the room. Tom Chung started an impassioned speech about a new toaster, but ten teachers left while he was speaking. The meeting was over.
********
Candace Phillips, the receptionist, turned in three proposals for the surplus spending the next morning. Tom Chung, toaster. Karen Franklin, Bunn coffee maker. And John Kreiss, sofa. Principal Wilcox immediately crumpled Tom Chung's proposal and threw it away.
"I like the sofa idea, Candace. What do you think," said the principal.
"It's tough. But I think we should get a coffee-maker. I tried to make coffee this morning...the machine is officially done."
"Done?"
"Broken. It doesn't work. No lights, no noises, no coffee."
"No coffee?"
"I'm sorry, sir."
"I guess we'll have to get that coffee maker then," said the principal.
John Kreiss appeared at the doorway. "What? We're getting the coffee maker? What about he couch?"
Candace said, "The old coffee maker is broken."
"We'll still vote on it, right?"
"Yes," answered Mr. Wilcox. "But I think your proposition will get voted down give the new situation."
"We can get a coffee maker for $39.99. We don't need a Bunn. We need a sofa. I've got the perfect sofa right here." He handed his boss a printout of a product summary from a furniture store's website.
"Is that leather?"
"Yup. Real leather."
Mr. Wilcox was astounded. "And is that the real price?"
"Yessir. It's marked down. They're having a blow-out sale. The time is right. But we have to act fast. The sale ends tomorrow."
"We'll vote at 3:50pm on the dot. I'll send out an email. What a deal! That sofa looks real comfortable. You'll let a principal sit on the teachers' sofa every now and then, right?"
The two shared a laugh and Mr. Kreiss hurried off to his second period class.
********
Mrs. Franklin clicked 'Send' on an email to all faculty (except Mr. Kreiss). She worried a bit that her tone would be read as cranky or angry. But she was. She had a coffee-withdrawal headache. She had skipped her Dunkin Donuts stop to get to school earlier than everyone else. And she had sabotaged the old coffee maker - a risky move that rendered her coffee-less for the entire workday, but that would almost guarantee the Bunn purchase.
This email would certainly rally any fence-sitters to her way of thinking:
Good morning, everyone! Sorry that there's no coffee this morning. I even brought some amazing French-Somalian blend to share - but the machine has brewed its last cup. May it rest in peace! :)
I don't want to play dirty here (I hope none of you will interpret this email that way), but I wanted to make a final statement to Mr. Kreiss's "sofa proposal." Many of you are aware that Mr. Kreiss virtually lives at school. He's here early; he stays late. He eats breakfast, lunch, and sometimes supper here. My husband told me that Mr. Kreiss's apartment has very few items of furniture in it. And why would he need apartment furniture? He lives at school! And we all know that Mr. Kreiss spends more time in the lounge than the rest of us. So in reality we're not getting a sofa: he's getting a sofa! If he wants a sofa so bad for his abode, he should pay for it out of his own pocket. On the other hand, almost all of us drink coffee. And we have no coffee maker in the lounge! Let's use this golden opportunity to upgrade to a Bunn. Vote Bunn this afternoon!
I promise you won't regret it. The French-Somalian blend is amazing!
Thanks! See you all at 3:50!
Karen
P.S. Maybe if we vote down Kreiss's "sofa proposal," he'll take us off his Christmas guilt-card list. ;) Win-win situation for everyone, right?
It was but five minutes later that Mr. Kreiss clicked 'Send' on an email to all faculty (including Mrs. Franklin) and cc'd to the principal.
Good morning, Charles Ellis Junior High Faculty!
Confession time! I just wanted to come clean over a few things. I'm going to go ahead and endorse Mrs. Franklin's proposal to purchase a Bunn coffee maker. Those things are amazing. This school's faculty is amazing - and they deserve a Bunn! :) I admit that my reasons for wanting that new sofa are pretty selfish. I use the lounge almost twice as much as any other teacher. I use that old toaster to heat my Pop-Tarts for breakfast. I warm up noodles for lunch in that old microwave. And sometimes, I even use that microwave for a TV dinner. Sounds pathetic...but I just like being at this school. It's kind of home to me. And you all have kind of become my family. My desire for a new sofa was almost like a desire for a sofa of my own. I had one picked out for my apartment (the one I showed you, Mr. Wilcox), and I jumped at the opportunity to get that couch for the lounge (I'd use it here more than at home!) with the PTA's money.
So here's a proposal I came up with this morning while I was making copies in the office early this morning (btw, Karen, sorry I didn't come out and say "Hi..." ;) saw you were pretty busy trying to get that old coffee machine to work...wasn't even sure you saw me in there!).
We all agree to get the Bunn. It's become the obvious choice. I'll go ahead and spring for the new sofa as a gift back to this wonderful school's faculty.
Re: to this email if you forgive me! Thanks, folks! :)
John
P.S. Edsel has passed on. The kids are pretty shaken up about it. We're having a little memorial service in my classroom right after school. Stop by and pay your respects. It would mean so much to the kids if you did. (My American History class will be reciting The Gettysburg Address in unison to honor Edsel's memory!)
********
By the end of the school day, Mr. Kreiss's inbox was full of replies to his apologetic email. The general consensus was that Mr. Kreiss was a pretty big-hearted guy and that Edsel was a "good bird" who had "lived a full life." Mr. Crawford had chummily suggested that Kreiss might as well buy the couch since he "might spend a few nights a week sleeping on it."
Mr. Crawford, Ms. Witt, Mrs. Franklin, Mr. Chomsky, and Coach Jameson all arrived at the history classroom for the memorial service together about five minutes after dismissal bell. Candace Phillips was already there. Otherwise, the room was completly vacated.
"Is the memorial for Edsel over?" asked Coach Jameson.
"I don't think it's started," answered Candace. "Mr. Kreiss was gone when I got here and that was practically seconds after the bell. Are you sure it's in here? I didn't get the email myself."
"Maybe the kids are supposed to go to their lockers or tell their rides that they're going to be a few minutes," suggested Ms. Witt. "Where's Edsel?"
"He's on the desk. Mr. Kreiss made him a little coffin out of popsicle sticks," said Candace.
"He looks so peaceful," noted Mr. Chomsky. "Like he's flying with the angels."
"By the way, they're not still voting about the PTA surplus, are they?" asked Karen.
Chomsky shook his head. "I shouldn't think so. I think we settled that with John's email. We're getting the Bunn and he's buying the couch."
The group of teachers and Candace stood in silence around Edsel's coffin for several moments. Moments stretched to minutes. Finally, Karen spoke.
"I have to get going. I've got to get dinner on the table by five. The kids have soccer. Tell John I'm sorry I couldn't stay."
"Yeah, maybe I should go, too," said Ms. Witt. "He'll understand."
As the two turned into the hallway, they ran into Principal Wilcox.
"Where were you two? I said 3:50," he said.
"3:50 for what?" asked Karen.
"The PTA vote! Bunn? New sofa?"
Karen blinked. Her shoulders slumped. "You....voted? What about John's email?"
"We were at the memorial for Edsel," said Ms. Witt. "No one showed up so we waited. We thought the vote was cancelled."
"Did I say the vote was cancelled? Last I checked, I'm still principal here. If I say we vote at 3:50, we vote at 3:50. Sofa wins - two votes to one. Only three people showed up to vote, counting yours truly."
Karen and Ms. Witt said nothing.
"Don't you want to know who showed up to vote?" asked Mr. Wilcox and then continued before waiting for a response. "Myself, John Kreiss, and Tom Chung. I voted Bunn. Tom and John voted sofa. Tom was still campaigning for a new toaster, but John said he'd buy a really nice toaster for him with the money he'd save by not having to spring for the sofa himself. I wonder if Chung really thinks there's going to be a toaster worth anywhere near $400."
Karen and Ms. Witt continued to say nothing.
"I think I'm okay with the sofa. It looks really comfy. Real leather."
"But what about the memorial service for Edsel?" Ms. Witt finally asked.
"They decided to postpone it until tomorrow afternoon. The American History class needed more time to practice The Gettysburg Address. Don't forget: clean out all food and personal items from the lounge. They're starting work on the weekend."
The Charles Ellis Junior High School hallway echoed with Mr. Wilcox's parting footsteps. The English teacher and the choir director stood dumbfounded, both with their heads in their hands.
"My head hurts," said Ms. Witt.
"I need coffee," said Mrs. Franklin.
Five cups of coffee on the average weekday before 8am.
"Mom, you drink too much coffee," her kids would remind her.
"What number is that?" her teacher co-workers would ask, referring to which cup she was on throughout the day.
"Thirteen!" was the most impressive number Karen remembered answering that question with. And she knew that wasn't her personal record though. She'd finished thirteen cups of coffee before school got out at 3:45pm, but then she'd brewed another pot at home after dinner. She'd been trying to cut back on the p.m. coffee...but she hated sleeping. And coffee battled sleep.
After dinner, she'd drink coffee and read. Or drink coffee and grade papers. Or drink coffee and chat with dinner guests. Or drink coffee and watch a movie with the family. Or drink coffee while her husband Ron told about his day.
When all coffee-related activities had wound down, it was late in the evening and Karen always had more preparations to do before English IV started the next morning. So she put off sleep with another cup of coffee way too late at night.
John Kreiss taught history at Charles Ellis Junior High School. Mr. Kreiss was voted "Teacher of the Year", narrowly edging out the Language Arts teacher Mrs. Franklin (maybe because of her pervasive coffee breath - maybe because Mr. Kreiss never assigned any projects). School was a haven for Mr. Kreiss. He loved teaching at the junior high level and he made history classes fun. He showed war movies and lectured in an animated fashion: one lesson he taught entirely from a foxhole formed from outdated geography textbooks and dot-matrix printer paper reams. He even had his own history podcast.
School was a haven because Mr. Kreiss hated being at home. Home for him was a boring, lonely apartment two blocks from school. His only companion was his bird Edsel who perched in a cage in the back of the history classroom at Charles Ellis. Edsel was a big hit with the students: he could recite the entire Gettysburg Address!
Mr. Kreiss, despite his popularity with the kids, was not the a favorite among the faculty.
Science teacher Mr. Crawford put it this way: "The man has no other obligations. All he is is a teacher - not a father, a husband, a provider. He can spend the entire morning and the entire evening perfecting his lesson plans and presentations. Where does one even get all that GI kit and gear?"
The answer to that question: Mr. Kreiss inherited most of it from his grandfather. The rest, he had made himself with his sewing machine.
Choir director Miss Witt said this: "It makes us look like bad teachers. I had kids say to me, 'Miss Witt, how come you never dress up like Beethoven or Bach for choir class?' It sets unrealistic expectations of what a lesson should be like. That man needs to get a wife or play fantasy football!"
And it didn't help that Principal Wilcox said this in faculty meeting one afternoon: "Let's keep submitting those lesson plans on time. Some of you haven't really been putting too much time into them. I want to see clear objectives and procedures. If you want a few suggestions for making those lessons come to life, Mr. Kreiss would be happy to oblige. Right, John?"
Mr. Kreiss attempted to mend fences last Christmas. He made a cookies for each of his colleagues and wrote a beautiful (and personalized) Christmas poem for each. This delightful gesture was not well-received. It made all of the other teachers feel that their store-bought Christmas cards were inadequate.
********
The fourteen teachers on faculty at Charles Ellis convened in the cramped conference room adjacent to the reception area. Principal Wilcox discussed several administrative issues and reminded everyone that their weekly lesson plans were inferior to Mr. Kreiss's plans. Then he punctuated the faculty meeting with an exciting announcement.
"The PTA has raised money for renovation of the teacher's lounge. They're moving the janitorial closets to the back of the facility, so the lounge is expanding. Work begins in two days. By next Monday, they'll have more space, a new table and chairs, a full-size refrigerator, a new counter, over-head cupboards, a new microwave, and a flat-screen television!"
Cheers for the flat-screen.
Wilcox continued. "We need a few ideas of what to do with a $400 surplus."
"Bunn coffee maker!" shouted Mrs. Franklin, not caring that both Mr. Calderon and Mr. Fritz winced at the sudden deafening outburst.
"I'm not taking suggestions now. Submit your suggestion in writing to reception by tomorrow morning. We'll take a few minutes after school tomorrow to vote. Maybe you can chat amongst yourselves and come up with the best possible use for that $400."
As Mr. Wilcox exited, the volley of ideas and arguments had already started.
Mrs. Franklin's campaign was the first heard in entirety.
"We have to have a Bunn. It makes coffee so fast! I mean, lightning fast! That coffee maker we have now - God bless it - is awful. I don't have time to make a pot of coffee during my free period. It takes the entire hour to brew! I might be exaggerating a little, but I'm sure I'm not alone when I say teachers can't afford the luxury of patience with trivial things like waiting for coffee."
"How much does a Bunn cost?" asked fellow coffee junkie Ms. Witt.
"Less than $400, I think," answered Mrs. Franklin. "I'll look it up. I think we can all agree on the Bunn, right?"
"Well, I like coffee as much as the next person," piped up Mr. Kreiss.
"Here we go," murmured someone.
"Of course," murmured someone else.
"I'm just saying...maybe we can table a few more ideas. Doesn't anyone have another suggestion?" Mr. Kreiss looked from face to face.
"A toaster?" said Tom Chung, who was only an assistant teacher. No one valued his input and no one acknowledged that he had spoken at all.
"How 'bout a popcorn machine?" said Coach Jameson.
"We're getting a new microwave, Tim. Why would we ever need a popcorn machine?" said Mrs. Franklin.
"What about a sofa?" asked Mr. Kreiss.
There was a pause. The idea seemed, at least, to stick more than Tim Jameson's popcorn machine idea.
Mr. Kreiss continued. "There are going to be more than one or two people in the lounge at a time. And we can't always sit around the table. Maybe we'd like to kick back with a magazine. Watch some TV. No matter how comfy the new chairs are, they're not going to beat a new sofa."
"Can we get a new sofa for $400?" asked Eric Chomsky, the math teacher.
Several people assured him that they could find a decent sofa for $400 if they knew where to look (and apparently they did know).
It was during this round of assurances that Mr. Kreiss and Mrs. Franklin made eye contact - Mrs. Franklin aware that her Bunn idea was failing in popularity, Mr. Kreiss drifting into full-combat mode.
His campaign was in full-swing now. "Can you even imagine a teacher's lounge without a sofa? We've gone far too long without it. I'd like to feel at home between classes."
"He's really got a good point. I think it should be a sofa," said Mr. Crawford.
A chorus seconded his motion. "Sofa." "Yeah, I like sofa." "Sofa...mmm-hmm." "I think we need a sofa more than a new coffee machine." "Coffee machine is fine. Sofa." "Sofa all the way."
"Let me make one more appeal for the Bunn." Mrs. Franklin stood up and walked around the table. She had a hand on the door knob before continuing. It was very dramatic. "I do think we could use a sofa. I commend Mr. Kreiss for coming up with such a great idea." She emphasized his name and gestured at the estranged history teacher with both hands. "Let me see a show of hands - how many of you actually make coffee with our teacher's lounge coffee maker? One...two...three of you. Ms. Witt: is it easy to make coffee using that old machine?"
"Not at all," answered Ms. Witt. "It's worn out and slow. Plus the buttons don't work all the time. One time, I pushed the brew button and went to do some copying. I came back and it hadn't started. I didn't get to drink any of the coffee I'd made. I got a really bad headache that day."
"What about you, Mr. Chomsky?" asked Mrs. Franklin.
"It's pretty tough, actually. Bunns are high quality and easy to use. We had one at my previous school in Des Moines..."
"Thank you, Mr. Chomsky," interrupted Mrs. Franklin. "My point is this: many of you enjoy the coffee but don't make it. You don't fully understand the foibles of the current coffee maker. Take my word and Ms. Witt's word and Eric's word: we need a new coffee maker. We need a Bunn. And we can get a new sofa when the PTA raises more money. This school's had a sofa-free faculty lounge for seventy-one years. The coffee crisis is a current crisis."
And she left the room. Tom Chung started an impassioned speech about a new toaster, but ten teachers left while he was speaking. The meeting was over.
********
Candace Phillips, the receptionist, turned in three proposals for the surplus spending the next morning. Tom Chung, toaster. Karen Franklin, Bunn coffee maker. And John Kreiss, sofa. Principal Wilcox immediately crumpled Tom Chung's proposal and threw it away.
"I like the sofa idea, Candace. What do you think," said the principal.
"It's tough. But I think we should get a coffee-maker. I tried to make coffee this morning...the machine is officially done."
"Done?"
"Broken. It doesn't work. No lights, no noises, no coffee."
"No coffee?"
"I'm sorry, sir."
"I guess we'll have to get that coffee maker then," said the principal.
John Kreiss appeared at the doorway. "What? We're getting the coffee maker? What about he couch?"
Candace said, "The old coffee maker is broken."
"We'll still vote on it, right?"
"Yes," answered Mr. Wilcox. "But I think your proposition will get voted down give the new situation."
"We can get a coffee maker for $39.99. We don't need a Bunn. We need a sofa. I've got the perfect sofa right here." He handed his boss a printout of a product summary from a furniture store's website.
"Is that leather?"
"Yup. Real leather."
Mr. Wilcox was astounded. "And is that the real price?"
"Yessir. It's marked down. They're having a blow-out sale. The time is right. But we have to act fast. The sale ends tomorrow."
"We'll vote at 3:50pm on the dot. I'll send out an email. What a deal! That sofa looks real comfortable. You'll let a principal sit on the teachers' sofa every now and then, right?"
The two shared a laugh and Mr. Kreiss hurried off to his second period class.
********
Mrs. Franklin clicked 'Send' on an email to all faculty (except Mr. Kreiss). She worried a bit that her tone would be read as cranky or angry. But she was. She had a coffee-withdrawal headache. She had skipped her Dunkin Donuts stop to get to school earlier than everyone else. And she had sabotaged the old coffee maker - a risky move that rendered her coffee-less for the entire workday, but that would almost guarantee the Bunn purchase.
This email would certainly rally any fence-sitters to her way of thinking:
Good morning, everyone! Sorry that there's no coffee this morning. I even brought some amazing French-Somalian blend to share - but the machine has brewed its last cup. May it rest in peace! :)
I don't want to play dirty here (I hope none of you will interpret this email that way), but I wanted to make a final statement to Mr. Kreiss's "sofa proposal." Many of you are aware that Mr. Kreiss virtually lives at school. He's here early; he stays late. He eats breakfast, lunch, and sometimes supper here. My husband told me that Mr. Kreiss's apartment has very few items of furniture in it. And why would he need apartment furniture? He lives at school! And we all know that Mr. Kreiss spends more time in the lounge than the rest of us. So in reality we're not getting a sofa: he's getting a sofa! If he wants a sofa so bad for his abode, he should pay for it out of his own pocket. On the other hand, almost all of us drink coffee. And we have no coffee maker in the lounge! Let's use this golden opportunity to upgrade to a Bunn. Vote Bunn this afternoon!
I promise you won't regret it. The French-Somalian blend is amazing!
Thanks! See you all at 3:50!
Karen
P.S. Maybe if we vote down Kreiss's "sofa proposal," he'll take us off his Christmas guilt-card list. ;) Win-win situation for everyone, right?
It was but five minutes later that Mr. Kreiss clicked 'Send' on an email to all faculty (including Mrs. Franklin) and cc'd to the principal.
Good morning, Charles Ellis Junior High Faculty!
Confession time! I just wanted to come clean over a few things. I'm going to go ahead and endorse Mrs. Franklin's proposal to purchase a Bunn coffee maker. Those things are amazing. This school's faculty is amazing - and they deserve a Bunn! :) I admit that my reasons for wanting that new sofa are pretty selfish. I use the lounge almost twice as much as any other teacher. I use that old toaster to heat my Pop-Tarts for breakfast. I warm up noodles for lunch in that old microwave. And sometimes, I even use that microwave for a TV dinner. Sounds pathetic...but I just like being at this school. It's kind of home to me. And you all have kind of become my family. My desire for a new sofa was almost like a desire for a sofa of my own. I had one picked out for my apartment (the one I showed you, Mr. Wilcox), and I jumped at the opportunity to get that couch for the lounge (I'd use it here more than at home!) with the PTA's money.
So here's a proposal I came up with this morning while I was making copies in the office early this morning (btw, Karen, sorry I didn't come out and say "Hi..." ;) saw you were pretty busy trying to get that old coffee machine to work...wasn't even sure you saw me in there!).
We all agree to get the Bunn. It's become the obvious choice. I'll go ahead and spring for the new sofa as a gift back to this wonderful school's faculty.
Re: to this email if you forgive me! Thanks, folks! :)
John
P.S. Edsel has passed on. The kids are pretty shaken up about it. We're having a little memorial service in my classroom right after school. Stop by and pay your respects. It would mean so much to the kids if you did. (My American History class will be reciting The Gettysburg Address in unison to honor Edsel's memory!)
********
By the end of the school day, Mr. Kreiss's inbox was full of replies to his apologetic email. The general consensus was that Mr. Kreiss was a pretty big-hearted guy and that Edsel was a "good bird" who had "lived a full life." Mr. Crawford had chummily suggested that Kreiss might as well buy the couch since he "might spend a few nights a week sleeping on it."
Mr. Crawford, Ms. Witt, Mrs. Franklin, Mr. Chomsky, and Coach Jameson all arrived at the history classroom for the memorial service together about five minutes after dismissal bell. Candace Phillips was already there. Otherwise, the room was completly vacated.
"Is the memorial for Edsel over?" asked Coach Jameson.
"I don't think it's started," answered Candace. "Mr. Kreiss was gone when I got here and that was practically seconds after the bell. Are you sure it's in here? I didn't get the email myself."
"Maybe the kids are supposed to go to their lockers or tell their rides that they're going to be a few minutes," suggested Ms. Witt. "Where's Edsel?"
"He's on the desk. Mr. Kreiss made him a little coffin out of popsicle sticks," said Candace.
"He looks so peaceful," noted Mr. Chomsky. "Like he's flying with the angels."
"By the way, they're not still voting about the PTA surplus, are they?" asked Karen.
Chomsky shook his head. "I shouldn't think so. I think we settled that with John's email. We're getting the Bunn and he's buying the couch."
The group of teachers and Candace stood in silence around Edsel's coffin for several moments. Moments stretched to minutes. Finally, Karen spoke.
"I have to get going. I've got to get dinner on the table by five. The kids have soccer. Tell John I'm sorry I couldn't stay."
"Yeah, maybe I should go, too," said Ms. Witt. "He'll understand."
As the two turned into the hallway, they ran into Principal Wilcox.
"Where were you two? I said 3:50," he said.
"3:50 for what?" asked Karen.
"The PTA vote! Bunn? New sofa?"
Karen blinked. Her shoulders slumped. "You....voted? What about John's email?"
"We were at the memorial for Edsel," said Ms. Witt. "No one showed up so we waited. We thought the vote was cancelled."
"Did I say the vote was cancelled? Last I checked, I'm still principal here. If I say we vote at 3:50, we vote at 3:50. Sofa wins - two votes to one. Only three people showed up to vote, counting yours truly."
Karen and Ms. Witt said nothing.
"Don't you want to know who showed up to vote?" asked Mr. Wilcox and then continued before waiting for a response. "Myself, John Kreiss, and Tom Chung. I voted Bunn. Tom and John voted sofa. Tom was still campaigning for a new toaster, but John said he'd buy a really nice toaster for him with the money he'd save by not having to spring for the sofa himself. I wonder if Chung really thinks there's going to be a toaster worth anywhere near $400."
Karen and Ms. Witt continued to say nothing.
"I think I'm okay with the sofa. It looks really comfy. Real leather."
"But what about the memorial service for Edsel?" Ms. Witt finally asked.
"They decided to postpone it until tomorrow afternoon. The American History class needed more time to practice The Gettysburg Address. Don't forget: clean out all food and personal items from the lounge. They're starting work on the weekend."
The Charles Ellis Junior High School hallway echoed with Mr. Wilcox's parting footsteps. The English teacher and the choir director stood dumbfounded, both with their heads in their hands.
"My head hurts," said Ms. Witt.
"I need coffee," said Mrs. Franklin.
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